我的天

Because of the endless dream online, I had to get up at 5:45AM, and left home before 6:00AM. The sun still had behind the houses in city, the people in the street were extremly less. For a long time, I didn’t have such experience, since I left high school, that day has left me without saying goodbye. However, this feeling came to me again, a person, no feeling, vamos, vamos, the target was bus-stop and the school was far away.

"Looking at the crowded street, listening to my own heart beat…" I really want to be at that surroundings, just watch many people ups and downs, pay attention to their facial expession and their actions, happy and angry, boring and excited, however, I don’t have such time and such environment to do such thing. Every day, I must be the busy one of them. Have no won thought, finish my task, finish all the homework is the only thing in my mind.

The sky was dark, and it’s raining I really want to sleep in my bed and then surf online as I wish. Read the nwes of JEA and the world, of course, including my own blog- Mi Cielo, and my dream of website building. I was the opposite person when I am online and in real world. The part of me when online, I am so upward, and active but in fact I have little words with other an dpassive. Who knows how to change this funny situation? If two fo me can combite together, what a great!

At last, after with 226 for half an hour, I arrived at Wu Shan Apartment at 7:20AM. I got it, I wasn’t late. The physic experiment was smooth as the first time, and even be smoother than the first one. Just made some data, and then take a mark, that’s all. It’s much easier than the chemical one, so sometimes, physic is the easiest thing in the world, you don’t understand any principe of it, however, you can do it our without a hitch.

Too tired of me, so I fell asleep in the noon, and still be too tired when having physic classes in the afternnon, so I don’t know what I have heard or learnt.

I really want to escape from such life!!!

As everybody knows, generation gap exist, our home, our country and even the world. It comes to us so silently that we haven’t realized, however, it also left away without words, because we can solve it easily.

Still remember the day in senior three. I had no words with my mother, we didn’t have the same topic except my study and my mark. Because at that time, the study was not my pride, but my shame, so I wanted to escape, I refused to answer all that questions. As a result, at last, she just could asked, "What have you eaten today? ". Yet, I was too tired to that question, consequently, I shut my mouth solidly, and the bridge between us was cut down.

As the enter exam was over, I had a lot of time at home, surfing online I shared the happiness with her, despite she couldn’t understand most of my words, yet she tried her best to understand me. From that time, I opened a window to her again, and found the generation gap was recovered little by little.

As I enter the university, the life changed a lot. Sometimes I even found I was a child that I didn’t know anything and couldn’t consider something perfectly. I really need someone to lean on, and at the very time, she became my hero.

Because of my ignorance and my childish, she suffered a lot. Because of my carelessness, she had to come here again and again. Every time when she left, I would think what I had been satisfy, but I never noticed that she was 57 years old, and the roads leading to here were full of dust. The temperature was downing, the evening was coming and the people on the bus were more and more. I still had a comfortable dorm, however, she must face all the suffers. Because of me, she was willing to stand everything. And then, when she’s at home, she would think her only child day and night. Contrary, when she called me by telephone, I was so rude to her. Have such a great mother, why I never value her! Why I never think out a problem at her side?!

The generation gap was not made by our parents but us. We dig the gap , meanwhile, we can recover it as well. Use all our heart, feel at their angle, and we’ll know how to made it.

original essay: “代沟”能改变
(This passage is just translated from the origianal one, and for presentation.)

The line of online was cut off again. I can’t help falling into be sad. The sun has gone, I feel very alone, no hope, I want to escape. No dream within my mind anymore.

Today is so busy that I have to explain all of them in Chinese. So now, language change begin:

生活无法让人安定，比如今天，一个雨绵绵的星期天，不得不早早起床，到处奔波，我不知道为的是什么，是因为习俗？是因为仪式？我唯一知道的就是这不是我原来的愿望。

首先到烈士陵园参加班的“扫墓”。大队伍迟到了，叫5个女生等了20分钟。鞠躬和默哀的过程持续不到5分钟，一共耗费了近半个多小时，其余的时间毋庸置疑，就是等，等，等，还是等。

接着就马上赶到下一场“拜山”，广卫路的车站人山人海，我们做的还是等，长长的队伍，自从军训结束后也很久没有见过。家人们拉着嗓子在叫，我觉得很烦躁。我又开始在旁边唱我自己的歌，西文的，英文的，普通话的，广州话的……想到什么就唱什么，自己熟悉什么就哼什么，我受够了！

何甸甸，何甸甸……塞了又开，开了又塞，终于塞到了中华永久墓园。还是那种令人窒息的场面，一大堆人，一大堆垃圾，一大片烟雨，我很想逃避啊！

好容易坚持熬过了一切，没有吃早餐，在中午1：30终于有东西可以掉进肚子里。当时我已没有什么饥饿的感觉了，什么感觉也没有，什么思维也没有，也许我今天选择的奔波是错误的。真的感到有点后悔了。

以为一切奔波可以就此结束，但原来又一轮奔波再次扑面而来。还有一轮不可预测的“拜山”，我的天！我真的不想活了！

今天的我，从头到脚都是穿得纯白，我希望的效果是angle，但我得到的是一面灰外加一心的黑，外表的脏加内心的绝望，伤心，我想我真是个白痴，是个100%的猪。猪的头脑加猪的外表。

在“拜山”期间，我与妈在昨天去不去“拜山”的问题上又大大地吵了一架。那时，我真的有我到底值不值为她写“Generation Gap can be Changed”的疑惑，我值吗？

我的家族活动真的那么令人烦躁吗？

不过我真的对它反感死了！

不明白我为什么可以与他们的隔膜那么的厚。

不明白，不明白，不明白……

心理的疲惫比外表的还要严重很多，很多。

（这篇日记是在吃饭的饭店写成，其中受家人说话[嚷嚷]的干扰很大，于是思路经常打断，导致语无伦次，敬请见略）

有时命运这东西就爱耍赖皮，你简直就无法预测，无法想像。     

今天早上我8：15就起床了，为的就是下载Telemundo Feedroom的200KB/S的videos，太惊讶了，居然有了，而且还多了5个，二话没说开始下载。多的5个都是最后大结局的东西。很多都是我想看的片断。于是开着“影音传送带”就开始努力。然后关掉IE6，说来也奇怪，我的IE6虽然被关闭了，但在任务栏还会逗留一短时间，也不知道从什么时候开始的。反正用“金山毒霸”和“金山毒霸木马专杀”就查不出任何问题。我的至爱浏览器是sleipnir（绿色软件）偏偏在浏览Telemundo Feedroom就不正常，不得不开IE6。

下载上了正轨就开始我的网游。在9：35AM左右的时候，终于下载完毕了，我看的最后一集剧情也只剩下最后一大段。当然啦，看的时候还是西文翻英文。于是先看看刚刚下载回来的“大结局片断”，看完以后就开始我的最后一段翻译阅读。就在这时候，翻译网站发疯了“该页无法显示”，有试了试www.google.com也不行，我的心凉了一大截，于是到运行打开“winipcfg”，“释放”我的天！“IP自动配置地址169.254.112.176”我晕，简直就是死亡的噩耗，在看看“DNS服务器”，是空的。不死心，按释放、更新。然后是漫长的鼠标等待，但我已经抱有99%的绝望了，果然跳出“错误 DHCP服务器不存在：更新适配器”。我完全死亡了，断网了，100%断网了。

成为惊弓之鸟的我首先反应是打海珠区长城宽带的电话，回答是电话录音“作时忙”然后我自然联想起上个星期看到长宽又骗用户的消息，心冷了一大截。

无奈之下打电话给我这一带的网管，回答是“正在抢修”，修到什么时候？又是一个月吗？我嗅到了死亡的气味，我正在沼泽里深陷，我的天！我的天！我的天！我晕了~~~~~~~~~就剩下最后一段了，为什么不让我永别呢？？？？？？？？？？？

于是离开了电脑，暂时离开了伤心地。去革新路，去之前我很清楚自己到底要干什么，但去到以后发现人少了很多，真的少了很多。几乎都是穿着校服的初中生，自己没有穿校服而且年龄也不同，我觉得自己是异类。我甚至觉得害羞，被排斥。当年来着里的我何尝不是像他们那样，但如今，我不知道是我变了，还是这里变了，还是他们来了，反正就是不一样，就是很别扭。也忘记了自己到底要买什么，随便就走了。

在回去的路上，我想到了很多。想到了初中的时候中午到码头边放纸折的小船，想到了中午在教室里“混战”、“晾衫（打麻将，麻将就是在学校学会的）”，想到了当年为争第一到教室，在开门的时候你争我夺，想到了拿着歌书和同学大声唱当年流行的“叱咤红人”，想到，想到了太多太多……我原来早已离他们远去，原来这都是记忆，然后原来我已经长大了，我再也不生活在这里，我再也不是那个中学的一员，原来当年的朋友不在身边，原来我不再是原来。好高深的哲学问题啊！但谁又能真正明白。

现在依然不能上网。刚才的一个非法操作把我打了半天的日记全部毁掉了，原来制造一个东西如此困难而毁掉它却如此容易。

实在欲哭无泪，我越写越down，不写了……               

经过风雨的洗礼，历尽沧桑，我的杰作终于面世了！！！！记得当年曾经写过兴奋、害羞到失落 – 烂日记

虽然有点丑，虽然有点变形，虽然是胖了点，但却是我当年的心血结晶，所以请不要笑，虽然不好，应该鼓励我有如此的勇气。

很久以前就有把它放出来的愿望，可惜一直没有机会，今天由于sunfruitfish的帮助，终于愿望成真，所以首先先谢谢她。

最后就看看我的杰作吧！！！

想不到手画比用Photoshop要好一点。

这幅图片真的不适宜用Photoshop这样搞，因为图像质量本来就不高，而且对比度不大，造成这样的效果。

原图就是不一样。

哎！算啦吧！不好看就当作没看到，我已经尽力了。