我的天

天意弄人，无论我如何努力，我都不可以把我的低ID命运改变，永远的红色，永远的没有源，无论我是用Port Map，Sygate还是Wingate结果都是一样，没有结果，怎么都没有结果，你叫我怎么办？也不怎么办，起码在我换网络之前，除非奇迹发生否则怎么办都不行。

可恶的东西，终于在这个网站http://www.comexe.cn/wpc/support.php的检测后，我100%肯定我的长宽把我打成不知到多少级内网的小东东。
本地IP：220.113.245.XXX
本机出口IP为： 203.88.217.233.
判断结果： 内网上网方式

简直就是跳楼的感觉。眼看eMule里有种，但自己就是探测不到，下载不了，不想死，想什么？

昨天晚上一直搞到今天早上3：30，没有进展，同时可恶的CCTV5也不转播法网的精彩男单半决赛对决，双重郁闷。算了，我对eMule的恢复死心了，不过经过这次却让我学会了如何用一大堆映射软件，也不算太差的经历。

今天一早起来就去找《广州日报》，可恶的事情任在延续，居然没有昨天晚上CCTV5男单半决赛费德勒和纳达尔的超级对决。在学西班牙文的份上，我支持纳达尔，在年龄相近的份上我支持纳达尔，在喜欢特殊的左撇子份上我更加支持纳达尔，没有理由不让我支持这头西班牙的天才疯牛，他简直就是疯牛。如果用中国传统的生肖计算，他应该是属虎的，算不算虎虎生威呢？而且昨天5005-06-03是他的19岁生日，我能不支持这个寿星吗？尽管他的技术不如老练的费德勒，尽管他的样子真的可以说是丑！但是看他的比赛我得到的是无限的enthusiasm，就是青春的气息，就是初生之犊不怕虎的精神。他的自我鼓励特别夸张。在红土之上，他就像在斗牛场上刚放出来的疯牛，简直没有人可以想像他那不可思议的跑动。为了用他奇迹般的正手来离补他他一般般的反手，他跑动的状态比当年在奥网的休伊特更为突出。我觉得，纳达尔已经把大半个2005法网冠军拿在手中，如今看来，他在红土场上简直就是个奇迹，可以说他是“红土王子”。

在http://sports.sina.com.cn/tennis/frenchopen05/找到了我心爱的网球信息。同时也很有耐性地把一些好玩的文章读了。特别是那篇 三大帅哥的服饰癖好：纳达尔海盗裤独树一帜(图)_综合体育_NIKE新浪竞技风暴_新浪网简直就是笑死人，三大帅哥服饰癖好分别是：
萨芬的三条幸运项链
纳达尔独树一帜的海盗裤
休伊特爱反戴运动帽
真是令人捧腹大笑。

在看介绍纳达尔的页面的时候看到了他的主页：http://www.vamosrafael.com/
其中vamos就是we go的意思，那些人在激励自己的的时老说这个词，同时我的理解中，因为它有激励的意思，所以在某些时候如果翻译为中文的话“振作”就会贴切一点。而Rafeal就是Rafeal Nadal的名字了，这个主页的名字起得也太厉害了，简直就是200%适合他的个性。今天在看回放的时候的确在打出一个好球以后，纳达尔就握拳然后看口形，应该就在大喊vamos。主页有2个版本，一个西文，一个英文，应该随着他的长大，会有更多人注意他，希望他的主页会出现中文版本。

孩子在不断成长，对于这位比我还要小半年的“弟弟”，真的深感佩服，这还是我第一次由衷地欣赏比我小的人。我也要学习学习他那种“牛”劲，毕竟我还是属“牛”的，不时也要向自己喊一喊vamos, vamos！（注意：vamos中的v是发[b]的音，其余的都和英文发音一样，a是发[a:]的音，o是发hot中o的音）

¡Vamos, xrspook!

可恶到了，极点，eMule的低ID，简直叫人不要活了。

对于其他的中国用户，低ID，咱们还可以商量商量，因为毕竟低ID的是绝大多数，但我要的东西中国没有，一定要上外国服务器，而且外国的种也不多，不到10个，你叫我用低ID怎么做人。已经希望奇迹发生一个星期了，一个星期四天，每天吊网超过10小时（都是晚上通宵），但结果是0KB，真的是十分伤心的结果啊！最悲哀的是及时在搜索的时候看到明明有可用资源，但在我的下载页面却什么都没有，除了清一色的红色，资源为“零”！

好痛苦的经历啊！

今天为了这个问题，特意什么都不管了，到处寻找映射的软件，首先是，绿色的，傻瓜的PortMap1.6

然后发觉即使如此，也是解决不了问题，因为可恶的低ID还是可恶的低ID。于是再次搜索，找到了VNN。搞了一大轮，下载了Launch VNNClientC.exe，经过一大轮，又设置了双网卡，，但原来发现它不是用来把低ID变成高ID的工具，而是用来把低ID和低ID连接，其实这样也未常不可，不过如果这样，那么外国服务器的低ID呢？下面是装了Launch VNNClientC.exe后，eMule启动了Kad的结果：

其实VNN是挺厉害的，下面是它官方网站http://www.vnn.cn/的介绍：
VNN (Virtual Native Network)，中文意思是“虚拟本地网”，是为接入因特网的任意两个机器提供互通的服务。VNN连通了的机器就像处于同一个局域网中一样，即使这些机器都不拥有公网地址，而都是处于私网内。

VNN可以直接在现有的网络上进行部署，不需要更换任何网络设备和终端设备，不需要拥有公网地址，不需要拥有域名，只需要能够访问互联网，就可以使用VNN，并通过她与同样使用了VNN的用户进行极限沟通（如即时消息、文件共享、个人主页、企业Intranet、数据库），唯一的限制就是您网络的接入带宽。

我还没有开过MSN试一下它使我传送文件有什么质的飞跃，不过但看eMule的那些不是全部0的来源，还是有点安慰的。但是恨铁不成钢，下载量还是“零”。时间不等人，如果黄金的下载时刻错过了，就什么都下载不了了，我郁闷啊！眼看外国的种越来越少，我却连他们的来源都看不到，就更不用说下载了。我还能说什么！

其实追踪我成为低ID的原因只有一个，就是我用的长宽的网络结构改变了。显然我以前（一个月前）轻易就可以成为高ID，是可能因为当时我还是在它的公网上的，或者轻易就能到达公网，但显然如今它的网络结构作出了重大调整，我就无端成为悲哀者了。低ID就意味着，以前高ID的时候最高才40多KB/S如今可能就永远是“0”，我不想坐以待毙，但除了这样，我还可以做什么？

我也不想死，但是Windows98, 低ID，即使是用最新的版本eMule v0.46a，再外加端口映射，我还是要死，我不想我的驴子就此“退休”啊！

Maybe, I’m a perfectionist, though till now, I’m not too serious, in my opinion. Sometimes I will take study very serious, it’s more than other things, however, it’s just the superficial phenomenon that others always knew. In fact, I believe, study is important, but my life, my friends, my happy experience are more important than that. For all the thing I take care, I can put study or work at another side at once. However, in here, in SCAU, I couldn’t let them know.

"They feel they have to be all things to all people and do it all perfectly. They think, ‘I should, I must, I have to.’ Good enough is never good enough. Perfectionists cannot dilegate. They get angry that they have to carry it all, and they blow their tops. Then they feel guilty and they start the whole cycle over again."(quote from New Horizon  College English Book2 Unit 7 Section A) 

Am I a kind of that? I also cheer myself up, and don’t give up doing something, does it have any problems? I think, the only thing I must improve is that I should learn how to trust others, I didn’t need to do everything by myself in fact.

It’s 06-01 again, however, I’m no longger a little child. Though it’ s Children’s Day, yet it doesn’t belong to me. I’m a student in university now, why I’m still so childish? Meanwhile, the classmates around me also pay attention to this holiday, just as my situation, they can’t forget this important day in their pass.

We are no longger suitable to this holiday, but our hearts tell us we still very young, we’ll teh little child to our parents forever. I can ‘t believe, I’m 20 years old now (in fact, it still has to wait about 6 months). I have missed my Children’s Day for about 7 years. Since I came to middle school, this day hadn’t belonged to me, it’s just a normal working day. No congratulations, no gift, no surprise, everything passed as they used to be, however, we still believe, it’s ours. In fact, have a heart which is full of childish, isn’t it a good thing?

The day in last year, maybe I was at home. There’s still 6 days, I would have the university entrance examination. I have forgotten how anxious I was at that time. It’s less than a week, just in6 days, I would meet the important challenge in my life. The study of 12 years, now I had a final result. It’s a golden fruit, or just a poor history? No one knew at that time. All the things had be fixed now. However, the enthusiasm stand still. Now, I almost feel I’m the xrspook one year ago, but as time goes by, I lose my ability of answering the test paper, and the good friends at that time are far from me. They don’t comprehand, we had seperated her and there.

No matter what I though, I’m no longger the student who has to face teh hell test in Senior Three. I’m just a passerby, a year ago, I went through it, now it’s their turns. I can’t step into the same river twice.

Maybe, I have to know how to flow as. I can’t live in the history, I can’t dream all the time, because the more exciting future is waiting for me to design.

The Road of Growing Up, the play of our whole  class in English rale play calsses, now it has gone to the end.The last common of it is made by teacher that we made a miracle, because we put 16 person in 10 minutes’ role play. (including me, the aside) How we can do it? I don’t think we made a miracle, maybe at teacher’s side, it is really a very suprised thing.

She asked us that all our class must participate in he play, and we did it. At least, the quatitiy of the player is a miracle. She has never thought there would be such a class and had such a play. In fact, at the very beginning, I had never imagine we could do it. All the people seemed pay no attention to it, just like none of their business. In my opinion, I felt very alone, I just worried by myself. Every evening, I had nightmare because of it, who can understand me? Who can share the worry of me.

Until the mid-night of last Thursday (maybe we should say Friday morning), I found a associate, I found a person had the same dream as me, we all hoped we had a good ending. Have the same target, and go to great lengths to do it is really great. I found someone to shared my pressure, or in another word, she found me to share the same thing.

Until this after noon, I didn’t realized the enthusiasm hiding in my classmates. I felt it, they also had the same dream as me. I had been down in some times, however, after that, I felt their strong enthusiasm. As the back control  of the play, I had more power, and more pressure. I was really afraid that I pulled my leg out, and then lose their faces. If it’s just my private presentation, I just need to stand the scold by my own heart. But if unconsciously, I failed this time, I would lose their faces.

Now, all the things had become an beautiful, unforgettable and miracle history. I know I must believe them, I must trust them, I can lean on them. The play is ending, however, the road of living here together is still comging to us.