我的天

可恶到了，极点，eMule的低ID，简直叫人不要活了。

对于其他的中国用户，低ID，咱们还可以商量商量，因为毕竟低ID的是绝大多数，但我要的东西中国没有，一定要上外国服务器，而且外国的种也不多，不到10个，你叫我用低ID怎么做人。已经希望奇迹发生一个星期了，一个星期四天，每天吊网超过10小时（都是晚上通宵），但结果是0KB，真的是十分伤心的结果啊！最悲哀的是及时在搜索的时候看到明明有可用资源，但在我的下载页面却什么都没有，除了清一色的红色，资源为“零”！

好痛苦的经历啊！

今天为了这个问题，特意什么都不管了，到处寻找映射的软件，首先是，绿色的，傻瓜的PortMap1.6

然后发觉即使如此，也是解决不了问题，因为可恶的低ID还是可恶的低ID。于是再次搜索，找到了VNN。搞了一大轮，下载了Launch VNNClientC.exe，经过一大轮，又设置了双网卡，，但原来发现它不是用来把低ID变成高ID的工具，而是用来把低ID和低ID连接，其实这样也未常不可，不过如果这样，那么外国服务器的低ID呢？下面是装了Launch VNNClientC.exe后，eMule启动了Kad的结果：

其实VNN是挺厉害的，下面是它官方网站http://www.vnn.cn/的介绍：
VNN (Virtual Native Network)，中文意思是“虚拟本地网”，是为接入因特网的任意两个机器提供互通的服务。VNN连通了的机器就像处于同一个局域网中一样，即使这些机器都不拥有公网地址，而都是处于私网内。

VNN可以直接在现有的网络上进行部署，不需要更换任何网络设备和终端设备，不需要拥有公网地址，不需要拥有域名，只需要能够访问互联网，就可以使用VNN，并通过她与同样使用了VNN的用户进行极限沟通（如即时消息、文件共享、个人主页、企业Intranet、数据库），唯一的限制就是您网络的接入带宽。

我还没有开过MSN试一下它使我传送文件有什么质的飞跃，不过但看eMule的那些不是全部0的来源，还是有点安慰的。但是恨铁不成钢，下载量还是“零”。时间不等人，如果黄金的下载时刻错过了，就什么都下载不了了，我郁闷啊！眼看外国的种越来越少，我却连他们的来源都看不到，就更不用说下载了。我还能说什么！

其实追踪我成为低ID的原因只有一个，就是我用的长宽的网络结构改变了。显然我以前（一个月前）轻易就可以成为高ID，是可能因为当时我还是在它的公网上的，或者轻易就能到达公网，但显然如今它的网络结构作出了重大调整，我就无端成为悲哀者了。低ID就意味着，以前高ID的时候最高才40多KB/S如今可能就永远是“0”，我不想坐以待毙，但除了这样，我还可以做什么？

我也不想死，但是Windows98, 低ID，即使是用最新的版本eMule v0.46a，再外加端口映射，我还是要死，我不想我的驴子就此“退休”啊！

Maybe, I’m a perfectionist, though till now, I’m not too serious, in my opinion. Sometimes I will take study very serious, it’s more than other things, however, it’s just the superficial phenomenon that others always knew. In fact, I believe, study is important, but my life, my friends, my happy experience are more important than that. For all the thing I take care, I can put study or work at another side at once. However, in here, in SCAU, I couldn’t let them know.

"They feel they have to be all things to all people and do it all perfectly. They think, ‘I should, I must, I have to.’ Good enough is never good enough. Perfectionists cannot dilegate. They get angry that they have to carry it all, and they blow their tops. Then they feel guilty and they start the whole cycle over again."(quote from New Horizon  College English Book2 Unit 7 Section A) 

Am I a kind of that? I also cheer myself up, and don’t give up doing something, does it have any problems? I think, the only thing I must improve is that I should learn how to trust others, I didn’t need to do everything by myself in fact.

It’s 06-01 again, however, I’m no longger a little child. Though it’ s Children’s Day, yet it doesn’t belong to me. I’m a student in university now, why I’m still so childish? Meanwhile, the classmates around me also pay attention to this holiday, just as my situation, they can’t forget this important day in their pass.

We are no longger suitable to this holiday, but our hearts tell us we still very young, we’ll teh little child to our parents forever. I can ‘t believe, I’m 20 years old now (in fact, it still has to wait about 6 months). I have missed my Children’s Day for about 7 years. Since I came to middle school, this day hadn’t belonged to me, it’s just a normal working day. No congratulations, no gift, no surprise, everything passed as they used to be, however, we still believe, it’s ours. In fact, have a heart which is full of childish, isn’t it a good thing?

The day in last year, maybe I was at home. There’s still 6 days, I would have the university entrance examination. I have forgotten how anxious I was at that time. It’s less than a week, just in6 days, I would meet the important challenge in my life. The study of 12 years, now I had a final result. It’s a golden fruit, or just a poor history? No one knew at that time. All the things had be fixed now. However, the enthusiasm stand still. Now, I almost feel I’m the xrspook one year ago, but as time goes by, I lose my ability of answering the test paper, and the good friends at that time are far from me. They don’t comprehand, we had seperated her and there.

No matter what I though, I’m no longger the student who has to face teh hell test in Senior Three. I’m just a passerby, a year ago, I went through it, now it’s their turns. I can’t step into the same river twice.

Maybe, I have to know how to flow as. I can’t live in the history, I can’t dream all the time, because the more exciting future is waiting for me to design.

The Road of Growing Up, the play of our whole  class in English rale play calsses, now it has gone to the end.The last common of it is made by teacher that we made a miracle, because we put 16 person in 10 minutes’ role play. (including me, the aside) How we can do it? I don’t think we made a miracle, maybe at teacher’s side, it is really a very suprised thing.

She asked us that all our class must participate in he play, and we did it. At least, the quatitiy of the player is a miracle. She has never thought there would be such a class and had such a play. In fact, at the very beginning, I had never imagine we could do it. All the people seemed pay no attention to it, just like none of their business. In my opinion, I felt very alone, I just worried by myself. Every evening, I had nightmare because of it, who can understand me? Who can share the worry of me.

Until the mid-night of last Thursday (maybe we should say Friday morning), I found a associate, I found a person had the same dream as me, we all hoped we had a good ending. Have the same target, and go to great lengths to do it is really great. I found someone to shared my pressure, or in another word, she found me to share the same thing.

Until this after noon, I didn’t realized the enthusiasm hiding in my classmates. I felt it, they also had the same dream as me. I had been down in some times, however, after that, I felt their strong enthusiasm. As the back control  of the play, I had more power, and more pressure. I was really afraid that I pulled my leg out, and then lose their faces. If it’s just my private presentation, I just need to stand the scold by my own heart. But if unconsciously, I failed this time, I would lose their faces.

Now, all the things had become an beautiful, unforgettable and miracle history. I know I must believe them, I must trust them, I can lean on them. The play is ending, however, the road of living here together is still comging to us.

昨天晚上，总日志数量已经达到498，但怎么冥思苦想都再也挖掘不出什么来了，随便吧，我不管了，当灵感来的时候他自然会来，但他不来的时候，我干着急也没办法。

昨天晚上看了一晚的eMule，一点反应都没有，从我开机到关机，上传量为0，下载量也为0，我的下载列表足足有差不多10个文件，一点动静也没有。你看到那些种的数量，除了一个是1以外其余全部是0，你除了郁闷还能是什么。似乎有点对它死心的样子。

早上起来看了：斌斌 De 有声 Blog和地下铁咖啡，sweetbriar终于回来了，她终于又开始写自己的日记。而斌斌还是那个样子，还是十分喜欢看他的照片，他的生活，特别他说到他外婆去世之前的说的那句“俺斌斌……”我的感情之珠又在眼眶里打转转了。

终于把：
Isaac Mao(毛向辉)
Blog之【刻录事】
横戈．home
Not isaacmao.com
加入了自己的收藏夹，有空的时候还是要看看这些专业人士的东西，有助自己的提高，虽然是green hand，但也不能做不思上进的小白啊！

也把rainfall加入了收藏，她/他也喜欢和我一样用“烂日记”来分类。也算是个志同道合的人吧。

今天，突然找到了自己初中的两篇作文，都是自己觉得有价值的，于是就打了出来，于是日志数目就一下子超越了500。它们分别是：自负的日记 :: 我的天和减负不减难，学生怎么办？！ :: 我的天

觉得自己挺小孩子气的，干嘛要那么注意日志的数量，就像那些注重评论数和点击量的人那样，都是不可理喻的，还曾经立下誓言，一定要在我的blog成立一周年之前把日志超越500，现在提前实现了，应该庆祝一下！！！！！所以今天的烂日记就提前写了，马上就要离开去上学。不写了，走人了。

不过最后还是要庆祝一下，超越500篇，万岁！万岁！！！

这是第501篇日志，第356篇烂日记，离一周年06-09还有9天。