我的天

Maybe, I’m a perfectionist, though till now, I’m not too serious, in my opinion. Sometimes I will take study very serious, it’s more than other things, however, it’s just the superficial phenomenon that others always knew. In fact, I believe, study is important, but my life, my friends, my happy experience are more important than that. For all the thing I take care, I can put study or work at another side at once. However, in here, in SCAU, I couldn’t let them know.

"They feel they have to be all things to all people and do it all perfectly. They think, ‘I should, I must, I have to.’ Good enough is never good enough. Perfectionists cannot dilegate. They get angry that they have to carry it all, and they blow their tops. Then they feel guilty and they start the whole cycle over again."(quote from New Horizon  College English Book2 Unit 7 Section A) 

Am I a kind of that? I also cheer myself up, and don’t give up doing something, does it have any problems? I think, the only thing I must improve is that I should learn how to trust others, I didn’t need to do everything by myself in fact.

It’s 06-01 again, however, I’m no longger a little child. Though it’ s Children’s Day, yet it doesn’t belong to me. I’m a student in university now, why I’m still so childish? Meanwhile, the classmates around me also pay attention to this holiday, just as my situation, they can’t forget this important day in their pass.

We are no longger suitable to this holiday, but our hearts tell us we still very young, we’ll teh little child to our parents forever. I can ‘t believe, I’m 20 years old now (in fact, it still has to wait about 6 months). I have missed my Children’s Day for about 7 years. Since I came to middle school, this day hadn’t belonged to me, it’s just a normal working day. No congratulations, no gift, no surprise, everything passed as they used to be, however, we still believe, it’s ours. In fact, have a heart which is full of childish, isn’t it a good thing?

The day in last year, maybe I was at home. There’s still 6 days, I would have the university entrance examination. I have forgotten how anxious I was at that time. It’s less than a week, just in6 days, I would meet the important challenge in my life. The study of 12 years, now I had a final result. It’s a golden fruit, or just a poor history? No one knew at that time. All the things had be fixed now. However, the enthusiasm stand still. Now, I almost feel I’m the xrspook one year ago, but as time goes by, I lose my ability of answering the test paper, and the good friends at that time are far from me. They don’t comprehand, we had seperated her and there.

No matter what I though, I’m no longger the student who has to face teh hell test in Senior Three. I’m just a passerby, a year ago, I went through it, now it’s their turns. I can’t step into the same river twice.

Maybe, I have to know how to flow as. I can’t live in the history, I can’t dream all the time, because the more exciting future is waiting for me to design.

The Road of Growing Up, the play of our whole  class in English rale play calsses, now it has gone to the end.The last common of it is made by teacher that we made a miracle, because we put 16 person in 10 minutes’ role play. (including me, the aside) How we can do it? I don’t think we made a miracle, maybe at teacher’s side, it is really a very suprised thing.

She asked us that all our class must participate in he play, and we did it. At least, the quatitiy of the player is a miracle. She has never thought there would be such a class and had such a play. In fact, at the very beginning, I had never imagine we could do it. All the people seemed pay no attention to it, just like none of their business. In my opinion, I felt very alone, I just worried by myself. Every evening, I had nightmare because of it, who can understand me? Who can share the worry of me.

Until the mid-night of last Thursday (maybe we should say Friday morning), I found a associate, I found a person had the same dream as me, we all hoped we had a good ending. Have the same target, and go to great lengths to do it is really great. I found someone to shared my pressure, or in another word, she found me to share the same thing.

Until this after noon, I didn’t realized the enthusiasm hiding in my classmates. I felt it, they also had the same dream as me. I had been down in some times, however, after that, I felt their strong enthusiasm. As the back control  of the play, I had more power, and more pressure. I was really afraid that I pulled my leg out, and then lose their faces. If it’s just my private presentation, I just need to stand the scold by my own heart. But if unconsciously, I failed this time, I would lose their faces.

Now, all the things had become an beautiful, unforgettable and miracle history. I know I must believe them, I must trust them, I can lean on them. The play is ending, however, the road of living here together is still comging to us.

昨天晚上，总日志数量已经达到498，但怎么冥思苦想都再也挖掘不出什么来了，随便吧，我不管了，当灵感来的时候他自然会来，但他不来的时候，我干着急也没办法。

昨天晚上看了一晚的eMule，一点反应都没有，从我开机到关机，上传量为0，下载量也为0，我的下载列表足足有差不多10个文件，一点动静也没有。你看到那些种的数量，除了一个是1以外其余全部是0，你除了郁闷还能是什么。似乎有点对它死心的样子。

早上起来看了：斌斌 De 有声 Blog和地下铁咖啡，sweetbriar终于回来了，她终于又开始写自己的日记。而斌斌还是那个样子，还是十分喜欢看他的照片，他的生活，特别他说到他外婆去世之前的说的那句“俺斌斌……”我的感情之珠又在眼眶里打转转了。

终于把：
Isaac Mao(毛向辉)
Blog之【刻录事】
横戈．home
Not isaacmao.com
加入了自己的收藏夹，有空的时候还是要看看这些专业人士的东西，有助自己的提高，虽然是green hand，但也不能做不思上进的小白啊！

也把rainfall加入了收藏，她/他也喜欢和我一样用“烂日记”来分类。也算是个志同道合的人吧。

今天，突然找到了自己初中的两篇作文，都是自己觉得有价值的，于是就打了出来，于是日志数目就一下子超越了500。它们分别是：自负的日记 :: 我的天和减负不减难，学生怎么办？！ :: 我的天

觉得自己挺小孩子气的，干嘛要那么注意日志的数量，就像那些注重评论数和点击量的人那样，都是不可理喻的，还曾经立下誓言，一定要在我的blog成立一周年之前把日志超越500，现在提前实现了，应该庆祝一下！！！！！所以今天的烂日记就提前写了，马上就要离开去上学。不写了，走人了。

不过最后还是要庆祝一下，超越500篇，万岁！万岁！！！

这是第501篇日志，第356篇烂日记，离一周年06-09还有9天。

别以为自己写了那么久的日记就可以随心所欲，其实有时命题还是很有难度的，当命完题的时候又发现自己好像有点离题了。因为每个文章都有分类，所以在写文章之前的我的习惯是先作好分类再写。但往往觉得自己写着写着就会越写越远，和原来的分类完全不匹配，应该用别的分类，于是就在发表前的一刻改掉。

就如刚刚写完的原来，Jorge Enrique Abello是这样想 :: 我的天本来是想把它当作“烂日记”但越写越不对劲，“烂日记”的风格怎么可以这样。于是在最后才把它改为“论尽”，相对来说，我的感想和评论，以及客观的想法，在那里都表现的更多。于是以为写完它就可以结束，结果还是要多写一篇“烂日记”，烂日记是自己对自己的要求，无论如何一定要写。

其实也无所谓什么有没有灵感，反正你有写的欲望就一定能够写。以前写“欧卫国”的周记，他老是说我周记味太浓，如果他现在再看看我的日记，就知道的我的水平是如何之“高”了。以前的日记哪里有现在那么放松，我的思维也不会如此天马行空了。不过现在再叫我围绕一件事或一个题目作一番吹水，似乎真的简单了好多。特别在无聊的用词句方面，简直就有质的飞跃。

因为eMule的低ID现象的持续，可我简直就无话可说。本来已经好久都没有挂网了，已经没有什么排位可言，还要是低ID，我都不知道如何做人。但我不管了，顺其自然吧，能下就下，不能下我也没有办法，因为可以用的办法也用过了，难道叫我着长宽用户用映射映射到公网的干路上吗？似乎有点不可能。开始以为是我自己的问题，但现在看来，应该是长宽改变了网络结构的问题。

今天花费了好多时间在写The Road of Growing Up (playscript) :: 我的天上面，原来好痛苦的，很多次我都想罢写了，最后还是熬了下去，这是我唯一一次把一件要做的事分开做，我好久都没有试过这样子不一气呵成了。最终还是打好了，谢天谢地。

没想到自己对原来，Jorge Enrique Abello是这样想 :: 我的天的感想这么多。我看来真的有点儿发疯。特别当我不知道要干些什么，精神空虚的时候。

搞到自己命题错误及选择分类出错，我真的发了疯了，发了疯了。（最后这句好像是鲁迅的《药》里面一个茶客的台词，我隐约记得）