我的天

这是我昨天的照片，昨天心情不好，觉得这张挺上进的，不该毁掉气氛。这张用在今天，不错。多年之前是以为月光开始，当年我很喜欢抬头看月光，看天空，如今依然，月光又来了，还是多年前的那个，只是角度不同了。来了个首尾呼应，很简单，但很有意义。

结束了，终于关闭了，在关闭之前真的让人好伤心，但当事情真的发生以后人就没什么好伤心，没什么好说的了。心情不再压抑，这大概就验证了一句话“车到山前必有路，船到桥头自然直”。没有了那种忐忑不安，没有了那种伤心的感觉。我重回一个自由人，我再次自由了。那片遮在我眼前4年的叶子被无情地拿走了，眼前又出现了一个偌大的森林。感觉就像电脑的一个大程序停止了，于是内存和硬盘和内存大大地释放了出来，我又注意到生活的细节了。

今天早上正要喝牛奶的时候发现“伊利250mL”砖头奶不同了，底部写着“combibloc康美包”，下面还有一个小小的“SIG”标志，于是我找遍了整个牛奶，都找不到亲切的“Tetra Brik”标志，显然，这个牛奶用的包装不是我们常见的“利乐砖”，至于这个“康美包”是什么，我一点都不知道，但我隐隐觉得它就是我寻找了好久的“CP”。“IP”在不久前我已经在超市的冰柜里找到了，如今，在厄运发生的第二天我发现了“CP”。早上本来说要上4节工程原理的，但由于种种原因，只上了2节，于是回来就马上找这个“康美包”，果然不出我所料，这就是我要找的“CP”，但SIG公司（也是瑞士公司，和“利乐砖”的公司一样，都是在瑞士，不过就市场而言，两个是全球最大的无菌纸包装竞争对手啦）的康美包在中国或者说在世界还不是十分有名，起码，在Google搜索的时候，它的官方网站不在搜索结果的前几位，而且官方网站的速度有代改进。“康美包”在中国的市场暂时还不大，也只有在苏州的一个厂而已（利乐可以说已经在中国扎根了，有3个厂，分别是佛山、昆山和北京[“英叔”上课时只说有佛山和北京两个，其实昆山比北京的还要老，北京的厂是最新的]）。我个人觉得。“康美包”和“利乐砖”从左、右、俯视都没区别，最大的区别是两种纸包装的底部，“康美包”的我觉得相对难看，而经典的“利乐砖”则给我稳当的感觉。二者都是无菌纸包装，但所用的纸的组成不同，利乐有7层，而康美只有5层，我不是说康美不安全，只是说明问题而已，少一点又能保证安全的话更好，一个利乐一个康美250mL的牛奶放在一起就能分明感觉到重量的不同了（改天拿去实验室的天平称一下就更明白）。于是今天就上了Tetra, CP，IP的网站转悠了好久，才不怕英文，看到那些机械设备我就兴奋。

傍晚坐在宿舍的时候无意中发现天又红了起来，和昨天一样，于是我就冲了出去，好漂亮！我喜欢：）不过还是太晚了，看不到太阳，或者是我太矮了（站在二楼），要不就是某个建筑物遮住了。整个天空都是红色的，云太多了，连成一片，如果云是散开的一朵一朵将更漂亮。于是我就站在宿舍门口，看着天空一边有所思地唱起了英文歌，好久好久都没有唱没有听那些英文歌了，我不知道自己为什么还会记得，当年，当我还是在高中的时候，同学一起看到如此的景色也一定会很高兴很雀跃的。没有重复过地唱，大概6、7首吧，天的红就渐渐退去，取而代之的是蓝。开始的时候只有零星几个宿舍有亮光管，随着时间的推移，很多很多都亮了起来，还有路灯，黄黄的路灯，都亮起来了，毕竟，天黑了。风吹过来有点凉，我最喜欢就是这种感觉了，华灯初上，身体感受的是寒，但万家灯火给我带来了内心的无限温暖。大家都该回家了吧，该吃饭了，该看新闻了……一天结束了，享受这个美好的晚上吧！

擦亮眼睛，我又能发掘到很多生活中的闪光点了。重回自由人的感觉，不错！！！

Nothing will be changed; the first snapshot means the website (Fan de Club) will be closed definitive from tomorrow (2006-11-01). The only thing you can see is the snapshot, all the website has been moved away except the forum, and in the 0:00 AM of 1 November, the only forum will out of touch the same. Undoubtedly, I feel very sad. This must be the most horrible Halloween for me till now.

 

Right now, I read the message of Martha and Marcela carefully, of course including others' replies. And maybe I know the reason why such things happened together in a short time. Suddenly, I knew the decision of Marcela was right and must be painful, so was Martha's. As a female, I could feel the desperate of Marcela between the lines; I understand she had done her best to maintain the bond of love but without use. She must be the loyal one in this marriage. Love is a thing of two. Once you lose, it's hard to retrieve again. You can keep back the body, however, not mental either. It's none of my business to know what had happen in other's family and I have no right to ask for the reason. Even so, as a loyal fan, I have paid a lot of time in it as well. Almost all of my time online is about it, you know, it's about 4 years! Could anybody tell me what I should do from now on when I surf on internet? It must be a long time to adjust to the new life.

I was doing experiment in front of clean beanth, singing and nothing in my brain just as yesterday when I was rope skipping. This afternoon, I shared my bad feeling of my partner of Mangrove Team. I couldn't help to talking a lot. In her eyes, some days ago, she thought I was strong, now, she might know in some degree I was as effeminacy as other girls especially in emotional, which is about feeling. I could just tell black from white, in my emotional dictionary there's a word called "gray". I told her all the things about Fan de Club and JEA which was my admirer a few days ago. I asked her who's wrong, the man or the woman? In my opinion, I couldn't accept the idea that they divorce because they had found better partners of them. She told me, there's no need to tell apart the right one from the other, who is the betrayer and who is not. She said my admirer had fallen in love with others then couldn't get rid of, and it's impossible to separate the new lovers. So, they divorced, using the most directly way to end the painful relation, it's good for both. Yes, she's right, I think I always struggle with is the problem of betrayer, and I have knew the "loving law" as well. I just could not connect this situation and that definition together. She's definitive right, because I'm the one in the periphery of the game, I could not use my head soberly, and she is far from the game, then, she still has cool head.

Time heals everything. It's easy said than done. Everybody says all good things must come to an end, just takes it easy. In my part, that's very very difficult to put down such feeling, because I am a human being. I could not lie to my heart.

I think this song fit me well now: http://distritos.telepolis.com/bettylafea/lib/Musica/07_-_Como_se_cura_una_herida_-__Jaci_Velasquez.mp3

See all the essay snapshot in Spanish: http://xrspook2.blogbus.com/files/1162212335.gif
See all the essay snapshot in translated English: http://xrspook2.blogbus.com/files/1162212311.gif

I heard two pieces of terrible news this few days. First, Jorge and Marcela had separated; then today, Martha said she would close Club of Fan very soon. In my part, that is all my happy time online, what I will do in future. It’s time I have to say goodbye to the friends this years.

It’s the second time in my life I really feel sad because of separation. The first time was when I was in high school, my classmate left us to Australia study. Though she was not my best friend, yet I moved indeed, all of us cried together that noon. Just at that afternoon, we had a math test, she was not good at math, so she escape, however, if she could choose, I thought she would prefer attend the test and then scolded by our math teacher to left alone. In that test, I showed an unbelievable potential power in math, I did a good job, better than I had expect and even better than anybody’s expect. When I wrote my paper, nothing in my head, and I even paid no attention to the question. At that time, I just felt depress and thoughtful. I still remember that’s a very cold day, nevertheless, I had ignored anything even my freezing hands.

I had the same feeling this afternoon. When I was rope skipping, there’s nothing in my brain again, so I didn’t feel any discomfort of skipping. I was stared at the pillar; just skipped and skipped, skipped faster and faster, still felt nothing.

Jorge and Marcela had married for 8 years (to the 7 December). They have a baby, a girl, and will be 5 years old (next 12 February). Before this, I really think they will be together forever and they will be the ideal couple, but… It struggled against me; I can’t stop myself thinking why they separated? And why Martha would close Club of Fan after that? I just can associate that must be something wrong that JEA had been done. Hurt his wife, and hurt his wife’s good friend Martha. The great admirer became the biggest baddy suddenly, I can’t imagine what I will do if I know the truth. Maybe I will format two of my disks at once, but now, I knew nothing except the result. That maybe the mercy result to me. No matter what, I’m sure I may lose one of important anchor for now on. I have never thought about such things would happen to me, maybe I am too innocent. All good things must come to an end, but I can’t accept such idea now.

Can’t believe, that’s truth. This Halloween I am really feel horrible.

每次站在院楼向上望我都觉得自己很渺小，院楼的中庭就像一个井，井上还加了个玻璃盖，我就像只在里面的小青蛙，看到的天空就是那么***×***平方米，我其实可以看得更高更远，但我即便连这小小几十平方米的天空都琢磨不透，我凭什么去探索更大的天空？！

我一直都渴望最尖端的科技，科学家我真的很崇拜。但如果连最基本的都不懂，我凭什么去追求高尖精？！痴人说梦。于是我经常埋怨是学院那些烂烂的实验室的烂烂仪器拖累了我们，但如果用的全是高精尖仪器我们会用么？暂且不管学院有没有那么多的经费买那些高精尖，我们真的配得其高精尖吗？大概那时是仪器埋怨我们荒废了它们了。用有限的东西做好有限的事已经很好，不该有那么多的抱怨，起码当你需要某个药品老师能及时给你提供已经是个不错的了，别的学校大概连买足够书籍和基本仪器的钱都没有。当自己一次又一次因为大头虾浪费药品的时候，我应该责备自己。人不应该经常放过自己的粗心。

现在我冷静得很，好久都没有如此冷静过。本想回到宿舍马上做一件十分重要的事，但缺了个很重要的条件，计划压后，不过今天晚上我必须完成这个任务。

井底蛙虽然现在还不能跳出这个井，但我也可以努力往上跳，从一楼跳到二楼，跳到三楼……跳到六楼，然后穿破那个玻璃，跳向我向往的地方。

今天发生了好多不可思议的事情，很多我想过但没有说过甚至没有表示过（除非是在梦里，但也不可能，因为前天的梦是说西班牙语的，所以我都不知道到底在说什么，当然我没有会说西班牙语的状态，否则我也不会不懂，只是近来听了好多好多的西班牙语于是中招了，昨天的梦也是很普通，而且我不会说开口梦的）但今天居然发生了。难道妈的洞察能力就那么之过人？

今天发生的首先是不幸，电脑在妈玩扫雷的时候突然“暴毙”，显示器没东西了，而电脑还正常运转着，按reset之后还是听到电脑在正常运行而显示器的绿灯则一直在一闪一闪。我不惊讶，那时我正在吃早餐（已经早上10点多了），我大概知道是什么原因——内存那东西又在耍赖皮。于是开机直奔内存条，弄出来，想找个橡皮，但找不到，只好用手撮，用纯棉的布再擦擦，然后再靠在水管处除静电，现在干燥，无论是我的手还是内存条都是除一下静电再碰主板为好。插上去，开机，岂有此理，居然不行，听到好长的一声“嘟”。马上去翻书，敌人好像还有一个——显卡。显卡也是我机子耍脾气的常客，于是就动动它，还是“嘟~~~~~”，干脆把显卡拆出来，随便搞搞，插上，还是不行，真够顽固的，于是再次把它拆出来仔细清晰。这次我不放过任何一粒小东西，还记得动画片里面的赛车就是因为里面的某个地方有一颗小灰尘就几乎送掉车手性命，从那一次开始我就开始注意细小的东西了。我保证，显卡是干净了。插回去，再开机，还是“嘟~~~~~”。这次，我注意到不是显卡的问题，它的风扇转得不能再正常了。于是又回到了原点上——内存条。谁叫我家了没有橡皮啊，如果有橡皮该不会那么麻烦的，于是再次弄内存条，这次我注意到我插内存条的方法，插上去再弄一弄，因为好像插槽并不是十分的稳当，内存条有点偏，于是把它放正（因为现在立式的机箱是平放，所以放正很容易）。再开机，OK。

硬件问题算是解决了，进入到系统，发觉那个昨天晚上睡觉之前安装的AutoCAD 2006又来耍我了，又说什么注册系统有问题不能运行，我已经见过这种提示不下3次了，前几次都是在系统还原以后，这个我能理解，但，我昨天晚上才装完，能运行我才去睡觉，今天早上才刚开机，虽然死了一次但也不至于吧，偏偏它就要耍我，于是又再次删掉那该死的东西。又要重装了。

小黑（外婆家隔壁的狗狗）不见了以后，前几天隔壁又买回来了条小白狗，叫“旺财”，样子很普通，灵性也很普通。不过妈显然很喜欢逗这小不点。那小东西似乎很喜欢炫耀它的牙齿，老喜欢咬啊咬，绳子它咬，布它咬，手它也想咬。没有和它照相，狗狗不知道相机是什么，因为相机测光会闪红灯，而我又需要多次测光，所以以免这小东西不高兴，没照它。

黄昏，还不到6：00PM路灯就亮了，外婆家门口的那腐朽的“千层树”终于在前几天被砍掉，于是我能把相机放在石板凳上照路灯。路灯，我心中的太阳，能量之源。还记得小手，左手拖住妈，右手抓住爸，在回家的路上我一直盯着路灯，那些黄色的路灯，眯着眼睛，我感觉到那一簇簇的光线进入我的眼睛，我称那个过程叫做“吸收能量”，喜欢眯着眼睛“吸收能量”。已经不是小孩子了，不会拖着父母的手眯眼看路灯。已经好久好久把这个“太阳”搁在了一边，今天无意之中我再次发现了它。

很很偶然的机会买了手表，一个我掂量了好久的牌子，一个我想都没想过的型号，就这样，手腕“真空”的日子结束了。买了个很“淑女”的手表，起码卖这个手表的那些描述是这么说的。不知道妈是哪来的决心，我是个十分随便的人，要成交一件事真的好简单，于是就在不到15分钟之内，成交了。惊喜，真的是惊喜。拖了好久的手表终于有着落了，以一种很简单的方式，与我之前所考虑的完全不同。

回来之后知道了一个让我震惊的消息，Jorge Enrique Abello和Marcela Salazar J.离婚了，离婚，我万万想不到。我以为他们会是永远的一对，从知道的种种迹象表明他们是对模范的夫妻，是个和睦的家庭，充满了爱，但如今，Marcela Salazar J.出来说Jorge Enrique Abello不再是她丈夫了。震惊，真的很震惊。想起前段日子做过篇6级阅读，说的是美国的离婚问题，文章说他们离婚不是因为什么深仇大恨或不愉快什么的，因为他们太理想主义了，他们所希望的东西太完美了，于是当自己的另一半不能匹配自己理想中的完美的时候他们离婚了。他们离婚不代表他们不相爱，他们不再是朋友了，只不过他们觉得他们能有更好更理想的选择，所以，两人就此分开。我，作为一个传统的中国人不能接受这个。既然决定要在一起就必须学会忍让，特别是这种一生一世的选择。宁愿不时和对方打骂大打一场也好比无声无息的分开，所什么性格不合的好。神话消失了，就想打破了魔镜一般，有点彷徨的感觉。连我觉得最有可能永远的东西也不能永远，到底什么才能永远啊！

今天，首先是乌云遮蔽了太阳，但太阳还是出来了，还照耀了好一阵子，但在最后太阳又出现了阴影。希望那阴影只是太阳运动的太阳黑子而已，我宁愿我从来没看过或者看错了。