2006-11
1

Emotion and Reality

By xrspook @ 18:34:29 归类于: English

When I need someone to tell me how to solve with problem about emotion and reality, this essay appeared. It's one of the most difficult article of that book, the difficult level is the top five. It's the first essay I have met in this level. I will chew and digest it seriously.

quote from: 《2006大学英语六级考试规范阅读160篇》 P254~255

Emotion and Reality

It is notorious that facts are compatible with opposite emotional comments, since the same fact will inspire entirely different feelings in different persons and at different times in the same person; and here is no rational deducible connection between any outer fact and the sentiments it may happen to provoke. They have their source in another sphere of existence altogether, in the animal and spiritual region of the subject's being.

 

Conceive yourself, if possibly, suddenly stripped of all the emotion with which your world now inspires you, and try to imagine it as it exist, purely by itself, without your favorable or unfavorable, hopeful or apprehensive comment. It will be almost impossible for you to realize such a condition of negativity and deadness. No one portion of the universe would then have importance beyond another; and the whole collection of its things and series of its events would be without significance, character, expression, or perspective.

Whatever of value, interest, or meaning our respective worlds may appear endowed with thus pure gifts of the spectator's mind. The passion of love is the most familiar and extreme example of this fact. If it comes, it comes; if it doesn't come, no process of reasoning can force it. Yet it transforms the values of the creature loved as utterly as the sunrise transforms Mont. Blanc from a corpse-like gray to a rosy enchantment; and it sets the whole world to a new tune for the lover and gives a new issue to his life. So with fear, with indignation, jealousy, ambition worship. If they are there, life changes. And whether they shall be there or not depends almost always upon non-logical, often organic conditions. And as the excited interest which there passions put into the world is our gift to the world, just so are the passions themselves gifts; gifts to us, from sources sometimes low and sometimes high; but almost always non-logical and beyond our control. Gifts, either of the flesh or of the spirit; and the spirit blows where it lists, and the world's materials lend their surface passively to all the gifts alike, as the stage-setting receives indifferently whatever alternating colored lights maybe shed upon it from the optical apparatus in the gallery.

Meanwhile the practically real world for each one of us, the effective world of the individual, is the compound world, the physical facts and emotional values in indistinguishable combination. Withdraw or pervert either factor of this complex resultant, and the kind of experience we call pathological ensues.

2006-10
31

Bye Fan de Club

By xrspook @ 20:29:42 归类于: 烂日记

Cerrado
Chao
Nothing will be changed; the first snapshot means the website (Fan de Club) will be closed definitive from tomorrow (2006-11-01). The only thing you can see is the snapshot, all the website has been moved away except the forum, and in the 0:00 AM of 1 November, the only forum will out of touch the same. Undoubtedly, I feel very sad. This must be the most horrible Halloween for me till now.

 

Right now, I read the message of Martha and Marcela carefully, of course including others' replies. And maybe I know the reason why such things happened together in a short time. Suddenly, I knew the decision of Marcela was right and must be painful, so was Martha's. As a female, I could feel the desperate of Marcela between the lines; I understand she had done her best to maintain the bond of love but without use. She must be the loyal one in this marriage. Love is a thing of two. Once you lose, it's hard to retrieve again. You can keep back the body, however, not mental either. It's none of my business to know what had happen in other's family and I have no right to ask for the reason. Even so, as a loyal fan, I have paid a lot of time in it as well. Almost all of my time online is about it, you know, it's about 4 years! Could anybody tell me what I should do from now on when I surf on internet? It must be a long time to adjust to the new life.

I was doing experiment in front of clean beanth, singing and nothing in my brain just as yesterday when I was rope skipping. This afternoon, I shared my bad feeling of my partner of Mangrove Team. I couldn't help to talking a lot. In her eyes, some days ago, she thought I was strong, now, she might know in some degree I was as effeminacy as other girls especially in emotional, which is about feeling. I could just tell black from white, in my emotional dictionary there's a word called "gray". I told her all the things about Fan de Club and JEA which was my admirer a few days ago. I asked her who's wrong, the man or the woman? In my opinion, I couldn't accept the idea that they divorce because they had found better partners of them. She told me, there's no need to tell apart the right one from the other, who is the betrayer and who is not. She said my admirer had fallen in love with others then couldn't get rid of, and it's impossible to separate the new lovers. So, they divorced, using the most directly way to end the painful relation, it's good for both. Yes, she's right, I think I always struggle with is the problem of betrayer, and I have knew the "loving law" as well. I just could not connect this situation and that definition together. She's definitive right, because I'm the one in the periphery of the game, I could not use my head soberly, and she is far from the game, then, she still has cool head.

Time heals everything. It's easy said than done. Everybody says all good things must come to an end, just takes it easy. In my part, that's very very difficult to put down such feeling, because I am a human being. I could not lie to my heart.

I think this song fit me well now: http://distritos.telepolis.com/bettylafea/lib/Musica/07_-_Como_se_cura_una_herida_-__Jaci_Velasquez.mp3

2006-10
30

Can’t Believe

By xrspook @ 19:03:25 归类于: 烂日记

Separación

See all the essay snapshot in Spanish: http://xrspook2.blogbus.com/files/1162212335.gif
See all the essay snapshot in translated English: http://xrspook2.blogbus.com/files/1162212311.gif

I heard two pieces of terrible news this few days. First, Jorge and Marcela had separated; then today, Martha said she would close Club of Fan very soon. In my part, that is all my happy time online, what I will do in future. It’s time I have to say goodbye to the friends this years.

It’s the second time in my life I really feel sad because of separation. The first time was when I was in high school, my classmate left us to Australia study. Though she was not my best friend, yet I moved indeed, all of us cried together that noon. Just at that afternoon, we had a math test, she was not good at math, so she escape, however, if she could choose, I thought she would prefer attend the test and then scolded by our math teacher to left alone. In that test, I showed an unbelievable potential power in math, I did a good job, better than I had expect and even better than anybody’s expect. When I wrote my paper, nothing in my head, and I even paid no attention to the question. At that time, I just felt depress and thoughtful. I still remember that’s a very cold day, nevertheless, I had ignored anything even my freezing hands.

I had the same feeling this afternoon. When I was rope skipping, there’s nothing in my brain again, so I didn’t feel any discomfort of skipping. I was stared at the pillar; just skipped and skipped, skipped faster and faster, still felt nothing.

Jorge and Marcela had married for 8 years (to the 7 December). They have a baby, a girl, and will be 5 years old (next 12 February). Before this, I really think they will be together forever and they will be the ideal couple, but… It struggled against me; I can’t stop myself thinking why they separated? And why Martha would close Club of Fan after that? I just can associate that must be something wrong that JEA had been done. Hurt his wife, and hurt his wife’s good friend Martha. The great admirer became the biggest baddy suddenly, I can’t imagine what I will do if I know the truth. Maybe I will format two of my disks at once, but now, I knew nothing except the result. That maybe the mercy result to me. No matter what, I’m sure I may lose one of important anchor for now on. I have never thought about such things would happen to me, maybe I am too innocent. All good things must come to an end, but I can’t accept such idea now.

Can’t believe, that’s truth. This Halloween I am really feel horrible.

2006-10
29

井底蛙

By xrspook @ 20:52:35 归类于: 烂日记

井底之蛙

每次站在院楼向上望我都觉得自己很渺小,院楼的中庭就像一个井,井上还加了个玻璃盖,我就像只在里面的小青蛙,看到的天空就是那么***×***平方米,我其实可以看得更高更远,但我即便连这小小几十平方米的天空都琢磨不透,我凭什么去探索更大的天空?!

我一直都渴望最尖端的科技,科学家我真的很崇拜。但如果连最基本的都不懂,我凭什么去追求高尖精?!痴人说梦。于是我经常埋怨是学院那些烂烂的实验室的烂烂仪器拖累了我们,但如果用的全是高精尖仪器我们会用么?暂且不管学院有没有那么多的经费买那些高精尖,我们真的配得其高精尖吗?大概那时是仪器埋怨我们荒废了它们了。用有限的东西做好有限的事已经很好,不该有那么多的抱怨,起码当你需要某个药品老师能及时给你提供已经是个不错的了,别的学校大概连买足够书籍和基本仪器的钱都没有。当自己一次又一次因为大头虾浪费药品的时候,我应该责备自己。人不应该经常放过自己的粗心。

现在我冷静得很,好久都没有如此冷静过。本想回到宿舍马上做一件十分重要的事,但缺了个很重要的条件,计划压后,不过今天晚上我必须完成这个任务。

井底蛙虽然现在还不能跳出这个井,但我也可以努力往上跳,从一楼跳到二楼,跳到三楼……跳到六楼,然后穿破那个玻璃,跳向我向往的地方。

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2006-10
29

关于男性女性的故事

By xrspook @ 11:20:40 归类于: 书痴

不能承受的生命之轻
几年前经过通过同学的介绍,买了这本《不能承受的生命之轻》(L’insoutenable légèreté de l’être),买回来的时候曾很兴奋地拆掉透明的塑料包装,然后直接把书带进了洗手间,看了一页,准确来说应该是几行,觉得自己无法看下去(我还以为这本书是说什么哲理之类的),于是就把它放到了书架上,一放就是3年。书架上新买的书看得差不多了,于是轮到了它。然后我察觉到当年我给它下的判断很不准确,它成了“冤大头”。

 

书中主角有5个,分别是:托马斯、特蕾莎、萨比娜、弗兰茨还有卡列宁(是条雌性杂种狗)。而故事的展开就是又托马斯的感情生活开始的,特蕾莎让托马斯放弃家庭,是他的第二人妻子,萨比娜是他的情妇,而弗兰茨是萨比娜的另一个情夫,卡列宁是托马斯和特蕾莎养的小狗。关系看上去挺复杂的,但其实独自成故事,与我看到过的书不同,作者清晰地描述到每个人的思想,先是女的然后是男的,于是在他讲述女人心理活动的时候我十分惊讶,怎么他能如此的清楚,当他谈到男的心理活动的时候我真的和佩服他,佩服到五体投地。平时的作者只给我们一个角度去看故事,而他,简直是让故事三维化,我们可以从各个角度去揣摩人的各种思想。

几个主角都是出奇的神,托马斯,一个医生,他有N多的情妇,在没有遇到特蕾莎之前他有个不成文的规定:在和女性幽会后他必须独处;可以在短期内去会同一个女人,但绝不要超过三次;也可以常去看同一个女人,但两次幽会间至少得相隔三周,后两个条件是他维持“性友谊”的法则。但特蕾莎的出现打破了这个法则,于是托马斯就出了个新的法则:Es muss sein.(非如此不可)这句话是贝多芬最后一首四重奏最后一个乐章的动机,特蕾莎把贝多芬带来了,也成了托马斯以后做很多决定的准则,只要是特蕾莎想要的,想做的,他就必须放弃任何的东西Es muss sein.

特蕾莎,一个被她妈当作发泄对象的女孩。我觉得她有一种极端恐怖的复仇心理,她要补偿童年所遭受的,因此她要出人头地。她之所以要逃到布拉格找托马斯首先就是因为她要逃避母亲,逃避她的魔掌。结果,她依然没有得到幸福的生活,托马斯是爱她,而且就只爱她一个。但托马斯依然去幽会,和更多更多的女人幽会,这不是因为爱,他完完全全地把爱与做爱分开了,后者只是一个他觉得好比刷牙那么普通的事,与爱无关。但特蕾莎无法忍受,当她知道托马斯还经常和情妇萨比娜幽会的时候她表现出来的是惶恐不安。但日子可以冲淡很多,虽然她依然对托马斯鬼混而惶恐,但她还是接受了这个事实。

萨比娜,一个不断背叛的人。背叛,就是脱离原位,投向未知。萨比娜是十分享受这种投向未知的美妙。于是她背叛一个又一个,首先是她父亲,然后是她的丈夫,接着是弗兰茨。她不断在背叛中寻找快感。而弗兰茨则刚好和他相反,他忠诚,他之所以留在她妻子身边是以为他觉得妻子是母亲的影子,他必须对母亲忠诚,所以他即便和萨比娜好了多年但依旧是偷偷摸摸的,就像孩子做了坏事被母亲发现一样。一个背叛,一个忠诚,于是背叛的那个背叛了忠诚,而忠诚那个最终脱离了母亲影子的枷锁,解脱了,但又不明不白地死了。死在异国,他曾是柔道冠军,是个大块头,在异国的街头被打死了。萨比娜讨厌游行,而弗兰茨巴不得可以参加游行。弗兰茨为了萨比娜放弃离开妻子,从母亲的影子里走了出来,但萨比娜却依然背叛。弗兰茨去异国请愿大概是为了萨比娜,但到他死的那一刻,萨比娜还是不显示任何的惋惜后悔。她好狠心,人啊,怎么可以这样。

卡列宁,一个全书最单纯的主角。她是条雌性狗,陪伴着特蕾莎,最后,它死了,死于肿瘤。托马斯,她的男主人是个有名的外科医生,曾亲自为她动刀,但无济于事。人类都那么的多思,狗狗的思维简单得多。书的最后一章叫做“卡列宁的微笑”,一种完全与城市不同的生活,没有了黑暗,没有了无数的鬼混,牧歌很单纯,但很美丽。很多人不喜欢看悲剧,但悲剧有什么不妥,难道得人人都得复活过上好日子那才是世界的全部,不,人必然有一死,卡列宁如此,托马斯和特蕾莎如此,弗兰茨也是如此。书中插叙了托马斯和弗兰茨死后所得到的碑文。托马斯:他要尘世间的上帝之国;弗兰茨:迷途漫漫,终有一归,尽管托马斯一定不会接受儿子西蒙给他的这个最后的定义,尽管弗兰茨不会甘服在妻子玛丽-克洛德之下,但不得不承认,即使弗兰茨从头到尾就没有喜欢过妻子玛丽-克洛德,如果有选择他也不会让肉体回到妻子那里,但死这东西无法让他选择,碑文他也无法选择。

全书看完,除了知道了那些男女之间的很多微妙的纠缠不清的关系以外我也从令一个角度认识了苏联。苏联,从来就没有对这词了解多少,但从作者的角度他一定狠透了苏联。一个侵略了自己国家的国家,苏联让那里没有了任何自由,人们都不得不低头不语,虽然人人都不平,但要正常生活就必须漠视这一切。在这里我看到了苏联的残暴,那种没有自由的统治。

这本书让我越看越心惊,人怎么就会这样,细细分析下来原来男的女的心理都不同程度地有缺陷。“不能承受的生命之轻”我不想花时间去讨论那个问题,为什么非得去研究那些似乎很深奥又很简单的问题呢?还不如多看看细节,从细处看看这个世界然后审视自己。

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