我的天

Now, I have proved a principle that when a person is in horrible, he/she feels no afraid. The frighten of tomorrow’s presentation came around for a lot of day. Every day, my brain with nothing except the fear, the fear that I would  fail or be not good enough. The first time was so smooth made me frighten. If I was a green hand, I will have nothing to worry about. No matter fail or success, but now, my hope is higher than that, I must perfort better than my first try and better than others. I need this golden chance to prove I was the best, and the teacher choose me is right. 

"To go on a journey is often full of hardships, but so long as one lives he proceeds on his life’s journey."

Generally speaking, the situation today was not so bad. At least, the chemical classes were OK. It’s the third smooth week of it.

When I was a child, I thought chemistry was a very mysterious and funny thing, added something together would make a unthinkable result, maybe the color changed or had a little explosion. Now day, I found chemistry is a nightmare to me, very time i must be careful or I will be in danger. And the time I got along with chemistry was hard, and the result always weren’t good, such as the high school enter examination and the NMTE. Because of my little dream, I choose it, but now, I really feel conflict to it. however, the knot between us can’t open again. If I have another chance, maybe I will forgive it and take phsyic as my partner. That’s life, can’t be changed, it’s the fact, can’t be changed, just can be creative.

Or I just take it too much to my heart? No matter what, the result is I have no moon.

Because of the endless dream online, I had to get up at 5:45AM, and left home before 6:00AM. The sun still had behind the houses in city, the people in the street were extremly less. For a long time, I didn’t have such experience, since I left high school, that day has left me without saying goodbye. However, this feeling came to me again, a person, no feeling, vamos, vamos, the target was bus-stop and the school was far away.

"Looking at the crowded street, listening to my own heart beat…" I really want to be at that surroundings, just watch many people ups and downs, pay attention to their facial expession and their actions, happy and angry, boring and excited, however, I don’t have such time and such environment to do such thing. Every day, I must be the busy one of them. Have no won thought, finish my task, finish all the homework is the only thing in my mind.

The sky was dark, and it’s raining I really want to sleep in my bed and then surf online as I wish. Read the nwes of JEA and the world, of course, including my own blog- Mi Cielo, and my dream of website building. I was the opposite person when I am online and in real world. The part of me when online, I am so upward, and active but in fact I have little words with other an dpassive. Who knows how to change this funny situation? If two fo me can combite together, what a great!

At last, after with 226 for half an hour, I arrived at Wu Shan Apartment at 7:20AM. I got it, I wasn’t late. The physic experiment was smooth as the first time, and even be smoother than the first one. Just made some data, and then take a mark, that’s all. It’s much easier than the chemical one, so sometimes, physic is the easiest thing in the world, you don’t understand any principe of it, however, you can do it our without a hitch.

Too tired of me, so I fell asleep in the noon, and still be too tired when having physic classes in the afternnon, so I don’t know what I have heard or learnt.

I really want to escape from such life!!!

As everybody knows, generation gap exist, our home, our country and even the world. It comes to us so silently that we haven’t realized, however, it also left away without words, because we can solve it easily.

Still remember the day in senior three. I had no words with my mother, we didn’t have the same topic except my study and my mark. Because at that time, the study was not my pride, but my shame, so I wanted to escape, I refused to answer all that questions. As a result, at last, she just could asked, "What have you eaten today? ". Yet, I was too tired to that question, consequently, I shut my mouth solidly, and the bridge between us was cut down.

As the enter exam was over, I had a lot of time at home, surfing online I shared the happiness with her, despite she couldn’t understand most of my words, yet she tried her best to understand me. From that time, I opened a window to her again, and found the generation gap was recovered little by little.

As I enter the university, the life changed a lot. Sometimes I even found I was a child that I didn’t know anything and couldn’t consider something perfectly. I really need someone to lean on, and at the very time, she became my hero.

Because of my ignorance and my childish, she suffered a lot. Because of my carelessness, she had to come here again and again. Every time when she left, I would think what I had been satisfy, but I never noticed that she was 57 years old, and the roads leading to here were full of dust. The temperature was downing, the evening was coming and the people on the bus were more and more. I still had a comfortable dorm, however, she must face all the suffers. Because of me, she was willing to stand everything. And then, when she’s at home, she would think her only child day and night. Contrary, when she called me by telephone, I was so rude to her. Have such a great mother, why I never value her! Why I never think out a problem at her side?!

The generation gap was not made by our parents but us. We dig the gap , meanwhile, we can recover it as well. Use all our heart, feel at their angle, and we’ll know how to made it.

original essay: “代沟”能改变
(This passage is just translated from the origianal one, and for presentation.)

The line of online was cut off again. I can’t help falling into be sad. The sun has gone, I feel very alone, no hope, I want to escape. No dream within my mind anymore.

Today is so busy that I have to explain all of them in Chinese. So now, language change begin:

生活无法让人安定，比如今天，一个雨绵绵的星期天，不得不早早起床，到处奔波，我不知道为的是什么，是因为习俗？是因为仪式？我唯一知道的就是这不是我原来的愿望。

首先到烈士陵园参加班的“扫墓”。大队伍迟到了，叫5个女生等了20分钟。鞠躬和默哀的过程持续不到5分钟，一共耗费了近半个多小时，其余的时间毋庸置疑，就是等，等，等，还是等。

接着就马上赶到下一场“拜山”，广卫路的车站人山人海，我们做的还是等，长长的队伍，自从军训结束后也很久没有见过。家人们拉着嗓子在叫，我觉得很烦躁。我又开始在旁边唱我自己的歌，西文的，英文的，普通话的，广州话的……想到什么就唱什么，自己熟悉什么就哼什么，我受够了！

何甸甸，何甸甸……塞了又开，开了又塞，终于塞到了中华永久墓园。还是那种令人窒息的场面，一大堆人，一大堆垃圾，一大片烟雨，我很想逃避啊！

好容易坚持熬过了一切，没有吃早餐，在中午1：30终于有东西可以掉进肚子里。当时我已没有什么饥饿的感觉了，什么感觉也没有，什么思维也没有，也许我今天选择的奔波是错误的。真的感到有点后悔了。

以为一切奔波可以就此结束，但原来又一轮奔波再次扑面而来。还有一轮不可预测的“拜山”，我的天！我真的不想活了！

今天的我，从头到脚都是穿得纯白，我希望的效果是angle，但我得到的是一面灰外加一心的黑，外表的脏加内心的绝望，伤心，我想我真是个白痴，是个100%的猪。猪的头脑加猪的外表。

在“拜山”期间，我与妈在昨天去不去“拜山”的问题上又大大地吵了一架。那时，我真的有我到底值不值为她写“Generation Gap can be Changed”的疑惑，我值吗？

我的家族活动真的那么令人烦躁吗？

不过我真的对它反感死了！

不明白我为什么可以与他们的隔膜那么的厚。

不明白，不明白，不明白……

心理的疲惫比外表的还要严重很多，很多。

（这篇日记是在吃饭的饭店写成，其中受家人说话[嚷嚷]的干扰很大，于是思路经常打断，导致语无伦次，敬请见略）