我的天

Sometimes, you will think, the fate very adjust to you, but maybe it will be opposite as you wish at once. It’s just like kidding you as its wish, nobody knows what will be.

Fate of me is ups and downs, I believe with stable faith, I can stand!

For a long tiem, I’m just an audience. I’m a listener in a speech. And one day, when I hadn’t prepardd anything, the God pulled me to a platform. So terrible, do you understand my feeling at that time? I wanted to escape, however, it’s a shame to me at last.

And the second chance came to me without any anticipate, so I felt nerous again. Fortunately, after athe completely fail one, I gained a litte experience. I could say what I had thought or I could say something that I hadn’t thought about. Just say a lot of thing to by time, and waited for teacher to stop me. Maybe, if I stood there said nothing, just a scold  would come to me, I wouldn’t lose my face, however, I always chose the face losing one.

In a word, the speech in high school were all terrible to me. When I stood before so many people on the platform, I lost my self, I saw nothing except felt my heart juup faster and faster.

And the email and MSN talking with foreigner helped me to find some ways, as well as wateched the interview of JEA again and again gave me some ideasl. After so much, I’m even proud of giving a speech and can enjoy the process of it. Sometimes, I really earger to have one. I found the feeling on the platform was not bad, I got some confident before I went to high school. Nothing to be worry about is a faith to me when I was young.

In my opinion, the most important thing when having speech is how to express all your feeling by heart. You are having a talk show there, with all your body, including your eyes, your gesture, and of course, your voice and tone. You’re talking instead playing a drama, so the tone si the most important thing, and others are just acquistition. You must let your tone ups and downs as your content. I personally think, that’s emotion element, you must sue that must be included. If you even can’t understand what you want to say, how you can hope others will? So the essay of speech must be able to touch you or you have a great emotion to it. At the same time, you must pay attention to the level of your listener, consequently, it’s impossible to give a university speech to children in primary shcool, they couldn’t get anything.

Care about yourself and others, and your speech will be full of emotion.

For half a term. I have to learned for about 2 months, the analytical chemical experiment has come to me for such a long time.

REcall the situation at the very beginning, I hated it very much , because I always did some stupid thing at them. I found I was careless and all the job just like a evil, they wanted to bring me too hell. With such ugly feeling, I still have to still on it. I was spending the hard time instead enjoying myself. THat’s my necessary cousre, I have to pass it, because I’m a good food science engineering student.

However, as time goes by, I feel better now. It proved a principle that time could heal anything. I am even familiar with it, and it also becomes a normal thing, a part fo my life. Just do it, and just use your heart at it, and at last, you will get something. The chemical analytical experiment is going. Now it has left me, the last classes of it has passed. We maybe apart forever. At the way of out walk ay seem not so tough as I miagine. After taste it, a good echo comes out. The way is hard, but I need it, for all my life. What a good memery! I will be pround to tell others that I have had such experience from my basic chemical analytical experiment.

And the other thing that I didn’t want to face was my result of the English mid examination. This class, my teacher just handed out the question sheet, she kept the mark’s secrect and told us to find the answer by ourselves, an then communicated it at the next class. What an evil thing! She asked us to bring ourselves to grave by our own hands! It’s  killing me! I rally want to die to do that.

So the English classes we just practised listening. The comprehensions of our test pater and our textbook. At a part, she asked students to read an essay after listening to the litning matieral. And, I was the last one who asked ot read I was good at imitating, and I knew the differences between the voice of Chinese and foreigner, so I really did my best to copy them. And then, got a price. Maybe my pronuncistion is not so good as soemone, however, I have inmitated by heart.

I do it, so I get it.

I hate raining day, every where are wet, and the rain bring the wind, the wind and the rain make me feel a little cold, at this situation, the people will get sick very easily. It makes every things dripping wet, as well as my shoes are another victim, of course, it also make in water from haead to toe, the feeling in that time is horrible.

I don’t like compel to be wet in raining day, instead, I prefer sunshine, though in harmful sun I also will be wet every parts of my body, yet I still like the way wet from inside. There’s no problem that I make myself wet, but it’s a great trouble that make wet by other things or person.

Just this morning, when I let home, I found I couildn’t find out my sandals everywhere. I had searched very carefully, however, the time was limited, I had to go, fortunately, the drain stopped. So I wore my shoes and left at once. At that time, I rally felt lucky.

However, the real situation is far from that. At noon, the rain started again, and even larger than the morning one. I had to go to have my classes! With what I could go there??? With no choice, I prefered slippers. We can’t to to classroom wiht slippers, I know, but if I wear a pair of sport shoes, it must be wet no matter outside or inside. It’s the first time, I broke the laws. Having learnt it for such a long time, however, in this situation, I ate my words. I didn’t really mean to, but is anyone able to tell me the solution way?

As the rain is going outside, another rain is also conituning in my heart. I found I was the alone one in my room. Because of my isolate action? Because I always come back herer at weekend? Because I pay too less attention to them but just my own thing? Because I don’t care their feeling? Because I am a hero on my blog but a defeated on in real life, especially carry out the relationship?…… There’s no because any more. All the because are half right and the other wrong.

I don’t know what happen, but it’s really raining, I hate it!

混沌可以说是今天的代名词。人处于混沌之中，因为感冒，什么东西都在混沌之中。鼻子问不到或者很难闻到味道，然后自己处于火炉之中一般，但仍要多穿衣服。特别是昨天晚上写日记的时候，我也不知道自己到底在不在场，可能手在不停打字，脑子也在同时运转，但其他感觉器官就如同掉进了二次元空间。

在混沌之后中测温度，还不到36℃，以为自己放的方法有问题，但试过两三次仍是如此，我并不觉得冷，就是有点混沌，也不是飘飘欲仙，脚步浮浮，就是混沌，就是不对劲。探热的时候已经是夜深，那部可恶的电视机仍旧是看不到字幕。无聊之下转到了TVB Pearl想不到正在播Sex and the City，好久都没看过了，自从有了blog，我几乎与电视机绝缘。英语多么的好听啊！但我的心就是聚不了在那里，眼皮有N吨重，然后看着看着就去见周公了。然后突然醒来，原来刚刚播完，正在播熟悉的片尾曲和字幕，好久都没听这首熟悉的歌了，但原来自己仍旧对它如此熟悉。混沌中的我甚至在想，我到底在什么时候呢？我现在是在读高中吗？但只需稍有思维，我知道我在干嘛了。

昨晚那一觉睡得不错，起码我醒来的时候鼻子没有塞。然后高兴地发现，Anita No Te Rajes – capitulo114.rmvb和另外一个文件已经完成，而且出了Anita No Te Rajes – capitulo115.rmvb，多么令人兴奋的消息啊！不过我还是关掉了电脑继续睡觉，当时才7：00AM。

再次醒来已经是10：30AM，发现有朋友又在这里留言了，于是先回复。然后发现另外一个flash的留言本[x-book]也有司徒锦绣的新留言，他的FTP://aotiange.2288.org建立了几乎一个月我都没有光顾，每次坐到电脑前都想不到要那样做，这次终于做了。嘿嘿，居然不是网页形式，而是一个文件夹形式，原来架FTP可以如此省。于是没有经得他个人同意就写了新post http://onion.vip.sina.com, 从来就没有想过我这样做会影响他的速度，我实在有点太天真自私了，只想满足自己的朋友而忘记了他。直到下午我在睡觉的时候他发短信来问我是不是在下载，我才意识到这个问题。但现在已经经得他允许了。

司徒锦绣也自己架起了论坛http://aotiange.vicp.net其实这一切一切也曾经是我当年的梦想，有多少个晚上，我都在考虑着这个问题，不过最终还是没有实现，因为自己电脑的问题太多了，当时还在想什么时候开机和关机，还有自己设计的网页该是如何，还有放什么上去，但一切都是白日梦，最终自己都是选择了这里我的天来发展，最终还是选择了blog来作为我的思想家园。其实如果开始选择的是架在自己硬盘的网站，那么我可能现在早就不管了，不会像现在那样天天更新。

原来blog训练我的是持之以恒，我在这个问题的混沌中清楚了很多。

今天也发现被我放弃了好久的http://xrspook.blogdriver.com现在快了好多，也完善了好多，最令我惊喜的是它20MB的容量，上存图片的速度还可以，当然啦，我只是上存不到30KB的截图，不过的确是一个放图的好地方。它自己说单个文件的容量不能大于2MB，而现在只支持图片和文本，但我看到它弹出来的上存窗口是“任何文件”不过还是没有试过。它也是我可以利用的一个好地方。中文blog们越来越好了。

混沌之中什么功课也没有做，什么功课都没有思考，随便了，我不管了，死就死吧。

庄子混沌自己到底是蝴蝶还是自己，我则混沌自己到底是在什么时候，什么年龄什么地方，甚至怀疑自己是谁。

混沌，想怎么就怎么，就让她混沌一天吧。