我的天

Azrael just like stay here and never want to leave any more. Today, another life went away in SCAU. Today is just the third day of semester, even though the beginnings have so many unpleasant things what about future. It’s a bad news to all the staff and students here. The star of train trace was a woman, someone said she had no relationship with SCAU, however, why she selected our school to end her life. Did she think that’s a little tough to us? If everyone who want to die will come to SCAU, what our school will be? It couldn’t be a funeral home! It’s just the new start of this year, why they select the way of leaving away?!

The atmosphere is depressed. A ground people came together and began the topic of the death. It’s not the end of the world, why not talking about others?! If you are one of us, could you bring in other topic without the death? Maybe the top of the school didn’t go to pay for the school, or the Bodhisattva went to have holiday and never came back. Of court, this is just for fun; I don’t believe any God or Bodhisattva.

Yesterday, my professional courses began. The first one is called Food Microbiology (《食品微生物学》) and the other is Food Chemistry (《食品化学》）. Both of them are talking about some food theory. I should fully change my thought that a good cook cooks a delicious food just by his/her experience. Believe or not, with more professional knowledge, using scientific method to machining, even a green hand can do a great job. It seems have a great difference to our Chinese culture; because until now our good cook doesn’t need scale go with them. The weight of food always likes a random feeling, we never use exactly number in our book, that’s mystery, and the secrets pass by generation to generation.

The secrets are waiting us to crack.

Death can solve everything? Is it the end? Twenty years old, a bright future is coming; it’s just the beginning of our voyage, why he chooses going to die to end everything? What about his family? What about his classmates? What about his teacher? He can easily go away, however, what about the people who love him, what about the person who take care of him! Is dead an end? The painful of others will be endless. You went away, but left a flood of sadness, troubles.

You went away, and what about your parent? You are unfilial! As a man, what responsibility you had done? Your parents had brought you up for twenty years, what have you done to render back? Did you think your were the son of three, so you could move your load on others? How can you be so selfish! You went away, with the happiness of your childhood together with the bright teens, with so many good remembrance, you went away. Did you ever think about what you had left behind? The pain of lost a son and brother that the wound won’t never be covered. You went away, how you could leave suffering behind and take away the joy! They won’t meet the young man any more. It’s time for your parents to enjoy their life. You went away, never bearing your dream and others hopes. You really made them very disappoint，in fact, by now, I can say, you despaired them indeed. What had they done, why they had to deserve it?! Other’s son! My schoolmate!

Life is always full of ups and downs. Didn’t you know? Did you only catch the meaning of words, I’m sure, and your heart didn’t understand it very well. Even though the SARS broke out, even others terrible diseases appeared, we human being have never given up. You just failed in four courses of X (sorry, I don’t know how many courses he had learn last term), did you heard your schoolmate had fail seven of eight, however, he passed them. Did the failure really hurt you so much? Did the devil or the head of them Satan control your soul? Or the Bodhisattva didn’t bless you? No, you ruined yourself. 

It’s not the only case that university student went to end their life. It’s time for us to brown study it? After the great battle College Entrance Examination, the youth think every storm have stop, they just face the vast sea which is calm forever, however, after two year of learning at university, such kinds of thought is completely wrong. The CEE is just the ticket that you can sail. There are sharks in the sea, and the wind won’t easily give you a fluent trip, from now on you would have to face N mol frustration than before.

Death is not the end!!! Death is not the perfect solution!!!

From now on, the log which I write in school must in English, because I have to practice this sword before the CET-4 battle. I have been lazy enough, it’s time to change. I don’t like make any excuse, which just make me cheat me and lie to others. You can see, I even don’t know how to write a sentence fluently.

The heart and the hand must in the same step, I can write out when I have any idea. The days before, it’s just a very common ability for me, but now… ability and capacity seems like each others, however we must find out the difference and remember them firmly. Ability emphasizes the action, and capacity more used to describe the power you can learn or earn or not. If a word you can describe very easily in English, I think there won’t be nothing to worry about it, however, the real word is far from so simple, how I can remember so many words in a few months, and beyond it, I should deeply tell the differences between them, that’s the question. ("that’s the question" make me easily remember Hamlet, he said: To be or not to be, that’s the question…A famous sentence of our price.)

Let’s talk about the first day of this term (the spring of 2006, in fact, I should call it spring of 2005, because it belongs to the academic year of 2005). I will learn my professional courses from this term. And the first course of them is called General Experiment of Food Chemistry(《食品化学综合实验》), it’s just the translation of me, because after looking through the textbook, I can’t find its English name. No matter what happen I should like this course, it’s my professional course and the teacher is belong to our food college; marking a bad effect on them seems not good for my future. And it’s time for me to work hard, I can’t have the idea of study one thing is to face the final examination and then forget them completely. Maybe one day I should live on this course, it seems the only knowledge I can depend on. Without the sharp point, what I should be proud of ?!

I am changing…

不知道为什么看中国的纪录片和看外国的纪录片感觉就是不一样。今天补看的是昨天的“巨大建筑巡礼(Mega Structures)：砂中炼油”这是NGC（National Geographic Channel）的节目，觉得自己最喜欢看的就是医学和建筑的这些科学节目了，你要我看着那个章鱼在水中如何随着背景而变色我真的会觉得很郁闷，但看这些感觉就很不一样，会使我产生一股冲劲，自己也很想去干。这也许就是那种潜意识的调动，它没有直接叫你要积极参加，但它所表现出来的东西就会让你产生一种参加的冲动。

还有一种很新奇的现象，就是那些节目向来没有多少让你用情感思索的时间。所有你看到的都是你想都没有想过的东西，虽然你从来没有见过，但你却对那个东西很有兴趣，自动自觉着迷。因为那些新知识不是枯燥的理论，不是不断地给你做名词解释，而是一个个实例，最最隐晦，无法用镜头和口述说得清楚的东西都已经通过动画清晰地表现出来了。这样很好。同时间长度的图片或动画的信息量我觉得远比文字来得要生动和多，更适合人类的接受。也许在制作的时候要花费更多的时间但收效我觉得是要比单纯用言语好。

电视和电台有什么不同？电视多了一个视频的环节，是连续的镜头使更真实的世界可以呈现在我们面前。而中国的好多好多节目则老是忽略了如此一个环节。他们喜欢找个主持人就在那里谈天说地，也许，那里面真的有很多的信息量，但无论主持人的表情如何丰富，没有视频图像或者图片的支持，这样的单纯说和听收音机有什么不同！还记得还有那些电视说书，真不明白那和拿个收音机听有什么不一样。要在书中找足够的资料要比找视频或图像资料简单得多，但显然时代的发展就需要人不断地改进，还停滞在音频的阶段显然不行。我这样说似乎太缥缈了，以《网罗天下》为力，梁文道和另一个替他人员主持就很不同，前者给我们看到他所说的网页的时间是很多的，花花的屏幕，即使只是字也比一个人说的好，我宁愿看着那些我大概看不清的字也不愿意看着主持人在说或者读他的知识。虽然两人的信息显然都是从网络上收集起来的，但两人的表现方法很不同。就像我们用文字和图像表现弄一个程序的方法，单纯的文字真的会令人很郁闷，你会有不想看下去的想法，但有了截图问题就很不同了，虽然截图增加了写方法那个人的工作量，但也许点击率却可以增加几倍，尽管有图和没图的文字量一样。这就是图像的威力。而现在或者未来要大行其道的我想一个是录象，把整个操作方法都录制下来，有动的，有解说，就如个老师在手把手，有了实际操作，那些隐晦难懂的东西自然会迎刃而解。但这样做也有个前提——必须有足够的网络空间来存放这些“老师”，有了“落脚点”才可以交流传播。但随着P2P软件的发展，这个落脚点应该不难寻觅，因为每台单一的电脑其实都可以成为一个有几亿亿观众的舞台。

386的机子能看图片吗？我们为什么要有双核心？我们为什么要把系统从Windows 3.X升级到Windows 2003？在没一次升级换代当中，信息的呈现方式都在发生着改变，不是吗？

面对镜子，我居然会发傻，其实又不傻，但看着里面的自己，看着那个不知道是不是自己的自己，原来自己有很多的话，原来自己有很丰富的表情，丰富得我也觉得十分惊讶，不知道在别人眼中的xrspook是不是这样的，但对着镜子我真的看到了很多。知道了原来很多事都不是我想像中那么渺茫，都是有可能的。

还记得当年高中的时候对着镜子背要做小演讲的稿子那种感觉很茫然。看着自己好像背的东西都忘记了，所以在镜子面前当时我要学会的是目空一切。而现在的感觉完全不同，看着那个说得兴奋表情变化异常丰富的自己话题就不断地出来。从很表浅的到很有条理的都出来了，我也想不到原来自己可以那么理性地说话。原来对着一个人，或者说对着一个影子是可以思考的，而且可以毫无难度、很自然的思考。面对变化多端的自己尚且可以有那么多话为什么对别人就不行？也许是因为话题的原因吧，因为这个“说话者”和“听众”都十分沉迷于这个话题，仿佛这边的自己和那边的自己真的可以交流起来。这也许就是为什么世界上有人自恋的原因吧，如果没有镜子，世界上该没有那么多自恋的人吧。没有了镜子，大概女性就不会花那么多时间化妆吧，没有了镜子，大概人们就不会在商店穿着衣服在转圈换来换去吧……一切的标准就从“艺术美”变成了简单的“自然美”，我觉得这个所谓“自然美”指的是舒服。当人不知道自己到底是怎么样的时候就没有了比较。没有自知之明，无所谓胖无所谓瘦，只有方便和笨重还有骨嶙嶙。

回到发傻这个话题。其实要我真的装发傻我真的不会，但很多时候自己会很自然地发傻起来。当自言自语的时候真的可以很理性，无论这个谈话是在心中还是靠声波传送。但当拿起麦克风自己的思路就飘走了，空荡荡的一片，总想有什么可以抓住，于是文字就似乎变成了我的救命稻草。读和说是两个不同的境界，但拿着麦克风的时候我就似乎不会说只会读了，真的无奈透顶。所以，当在网上听到我的声音，觉得我“作状”的时候请不要惊讶，我也无奈啊。谁叫录音的时候我就没感觉了呢。

突然觉得可能人思维的条理不是“思考”出来的，如果每事都要“思考”那就不叫条理了。以我自己为力，有条理的话总是在不知不觉当中“迸发”出来的，那种气势势不可挡。但滔滔的巨浪并不是乱七八糟而是比金属原子排列还要整齐，可以媲美钻石的排列吧，大而不乱，我也不知道是为什么。可能在迸发前的时刻我已经蓄势已久吧，虽然是不经意但大脑已经通过了精密的部署。嘿，真够厉害。

有空对着镜子说些话，然后就可以发现很多了，不单是面上的瑕疵而是心灵的秘密，原来，自己一直在关心那些话题。