2004-11
5

I Am The Ugly One

By xrspook @ 21:46:00 归类于: 烂日记

The university sports meeting eventually held today. I didn’t hold and hope or confidence long before. I won’t be the superstar; the only request is I wouldn’t be the ugly one. Actually, my terrible dream came true.

 

Arrived at the Huashang playground, and I had to find one to hold my tennis pat, there were only two people I know, I had no choice but one. Wait a while, and I had to go to check in. They asked me to go there before my item started, so I did it. As the tradition of SCAU, they wouldn’t start their work on time. SCAU has a very strange tradition; the entire athletes have their own amahs. The amahs help athletes do some things and let them to do better. My amah is a female, and just like a SBB. I didn’t know how to say my demand and he didn’t know how to do something to make me better either.

 

I saw a girl in my Food College dressed in all red, the red vest and the red shorts; all the dresses just liked the professor athletes. In the college select compete; I had experience her “professor”(just look like) preparative exercise. And this time, her dress showed her must be the superstar, but I wonder, could she do that. Because even in the college select compete, she just got the second prize (and I was the third), did she hold her strength, I didn’t know, and none of my business. Her amahs also use something to gather up, to let her muscles to in the fittest state, I also wonder whether it was useful, even so, I wouldn’t let it happen on me. The reason was her amah is a girl and mine is a boy. My SBB amah was still SBB. He knew nothing at all. I had to do my preparation and he stands far away, and just nursing my bag and shoes. The “professor” girl started her “professor” preparation still. The female 100-metre race was about to start. I was in the first group, and without a real amah, I had to find someone to affirm. So I asked the “professor” girl in my group, and her answer (in a cold voice) was “Of count! Are you sleeping?” At that time, I really wanted to give her a heavy punch, and let her collapse before the completion. But I controlled myself and replied a “thank you” as a manner. In fact, the raging fire was burning inside, if I did a good job, I would “give you some cooler to see see”. But this thought disappear rapidly, the fact let it die. When I still drive my run up machine, the judge shout “ready”, I had to squatted in a very uncomfortable way, and when begin, my heart was still in its proper place. When I started my running, I had 5 meters behind other. And I was also not a superman; I couldn’t let the miracle to happen. I lose in a very ugly way. And the “professor ” girl got the first prize of this group. But after a while, I heard she still couldn’t attend the final, though she and me were in the same college, in a short time, I really felt a little happy. Was I a “bad heart” one?

 

It seemed I could go home. I went to get back my tennis pat, and could leave the sad place. But another accident that shows my ugly happened.

 

My classmate who kept my tennis pat was not there. And I asked anybody I knew, but still could not find her, so it meant I couldn’t leave. I didn’t afraid. I found anywhere of the playground, asked anybody just liked a mad person, but the result was still zero. After two hour, I still couldn’t fine her. After the completion, I didn’t why my knee was bleeding, my amah asked me at that time, I just say nothing serious, and after two hours I still had no pain, the wound looked a little terrible, but actually or by heart, I really felt nothing. Even though I forgot I have hurt. The biggest problem was I must find out my tennis pat classmate. She didn’t have mobile phone and nobody knew where she was. After two hours searching, I didn’t have any endurance anymore. When I saw my other classmates, I would immediately yell at them. I didn’t how horrible I was, but I must be a crazy man. Yelling at anybody, and the action just liked I killed the people who disappeared with my tennis pat. I couldn’t control myself, I just knew to show my feeling at that way, but in fact, I was just impatient and had no complaint to that classmate at all. In others’ eyes, my visualize must be completely collapse. That’s my emotion weak point. I had no different between Antonio (La Coteña y El Cachao) always complains, and Armando at the very beginning always yell at others. I didn’t know whether others would remember this thing forever, if it did, I had no choice.

我把我最丑恶的一面都在今天展现了。失败的比赛,失败的交流,失败的表达,失败的控制……虽然这一切都不是我想怎样就怎样的,但这就是我的致命弱点,我接受,我必须接受。我需要从中改正,与此同时我需要时间我需要试验,希望他人会给我。我要成为一个新的我。现在回想起,我还有一个缺点就是现在不喜欢别人挑我的刺,对我说“no, no, no”,我必须改掉。我要成为勇于面对诤言的从前的无私的小时候的我,剔除自己的任何私心,做一个单纯的人,虽然单纯的人很傻,但只有很傻的人才能无私地为人民服务。

xrspook, the ugly one, is the last time to be the ugly. 

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